Sometimes Your Love Is Not Perfect and It's Ok...

Thousands of years ago somebody came up with the notion of impermanence, of inevitability, of change...i am pretty sure they have just been dumped! 

I had a long time to consider the value of memory. An idea that something that doesn't last forever doesn't mean its worth is diminished. May be it was just a rationalization, easier on the soul what mourning might have been...Life unlived, I honestly don't know, but I chose to believe in memory, I chose to believe in her....I chose to believe that the bond was never broken...and we carried each other in our hearts as a secret singularity..she made me what I am today...a better man or not, I don't know..there would be other loves, even great loves...but only one remained perfect!

Broken Hearts

We were consumed in each other,

Until one day things suddenly changed.

The sky above our heads had turned gray.

The light at the end of the tunnel had faded away.

I realized, I am a stranger now.

My little inclusion in her life had turned into an invasion.

Togetherness was forgotten

Love had faded away!

Yet, my heart didn't retaliate.

Instead I became her slave.

Obsession or love, even I couldn't differentiate.

And nothing still mattered,

Because her feelings had faded away.

I was shattered in million pieces,

Yet, I only felt her pain.

I felt so broken,

I kept taking all the blame,

Yet, it didn't matter, 

And we kept drifting away.

We both heard those sounds,

When our hearts clinked apart,

But we failed to listen the explosion,

When our souls fell apart!

We know it is not over,

It will never be.

We are like stars,

Twinkling in the same sky,

But light years apart,

Light years away.

Why I Decided to Join an eHealth Startup?

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” - Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

Well, this is how I interpret my relationship with my blogs and especially with all of you who have been with me since the time I keyed in my very first post in 2007. I have grown with my personal little space on the web, literally!! Fast forward, I am in Berlin now and working for a very interesting startup: Klara whose mission is to make healthcare accessible and affordable to every person in this world using the technology. As a starter, we are tackling the dermatology sector, meaning for any skin problem Klara is your first go to solution. Using the Klara app, you can take a picture of your skin spot and send it to a board certified dermatologist and receive a consultation within hours, yes it's that simple! 

I Was Almost Diagnosed With Tuberculosis (TB)

Before I go in any more details about the app, here is my true little life story- In April 2014, I moved from Dusseldorf to Berlin for my internship. It was all going fine until one day in the last week of May I had a boil on my left shoulder. A boil is usually a skin infection that starts in a hair follicle, so I thought it will go away by itself, but it didn't happen. Surprisingly, after 3-4 days I started to have a bit of swelling on my boil that restricted the movement of my arm. As a result, I found it extremely painful to move my arm. The pain got so bad that on a Saturday evening, I got admitted as an emergency case in a public hospital in Berlin. They quickly gave me pain killers and by next morning, the pain was gone and I could easily move my arm too. This is how it looked when I got admitted-

Boil on left shoulder

I was already feeling better, but the boil was still there and the doctors were still trying to find out what's wrong with it. I went through several medical tests, scans and what not, but nothing seemed worrying. Then one mid-night (4-5th night in the hospital), a doctor came to me and asked me if I can see her in her office. As soon as, I entered her room she told me if I can wear a mask around my face. I was really puzzled, but I took the mask from her and placed around my nose and mouth. She told me that I probably have Tuberculosis (TB). I said in shock- what!! She said it's not confirmed but we suspect it and until the final results come we will have to move you into an isolation ward. Please pack your stuff and an ambulance with take you with your bed.

I was too distort that night. I thought to myself that I came to Germany as a student and just when I was about to complete my final internship, I am admitted in a hospital as a suspect case of TB. My family is in India and I didn't want to make them worry so I didn't call anyone. Now, I was spending time in an isolation with doctors and nurses coming in their masks and I kept wondering how bad it can get- I am neither a smoker nor a tobacco person, I usually live a healthy lifestyle and here I am in a hospital. One test result after another, the doctors kept crossing the diseases: Hepatitis, HIV, Heart related and finally, TB!! Yup, I had none, but a bacterial skin infection that had somehow got inside my body. 

Before I Was Treated for Infection I Had Another Surgery 

I was relieved that it's nothing big, but only for a day because next day I had a severe appendicitis pain. At 2 am I had my CT scans and the doctor told me that they would like to operate immediately. They asked my permission and with all that pain I quickly signed the paper. So, I have no TB, the boil still continues to exist and I am on a liquid diet post appendicitis surgery. Wow, what else...right?

On 12th day in the hospital, when my appendicitis had subsided doctors were now checking my body for infections. Next up was Endoscopy, CT Scans, ECG etc....yup more tests! It turned out that I have an infection lung, so the doctors had to take out the bad water out of the lungs, how? By puncturing my lungs, o my god...that was the worst part! I was literally screaming because the anesthesia doesn't work on that part of the muscle. However, I got done with it 130ml of dirty fluid came out of my lungs and the doctor was happily showing it to me. 

1 Month and 67 Infusions

After that I had almost 67 bottles of infusions in next 18 days, until I was discharged with a big beards and a lighter me (7-8kgs lost). The last week at the hospital was certainly not bad, as I was feeling way better and Germany was cruising to the World Cup Football 2014 finals. Nevertheless, the thing that I have still not mentioned is the cost of entire medical treatment. Frankly, I was a lot worried about it, I was covered by a private insurer for foreign students and wondered if they will cover all my costs. The hospital seemed super confident that everything will be covered and kept doing their business as usual. 

Now Klara

In hindsight, I was really glad that while all this happened I was in Germany, a country where healthcare reforms are strong and support people, insurance covers all the cost and healthcare is still not as broken or costly as in other parts of the world. Having said that this one month inside the hospital gave me a sneak peek into the medical system. I figured out on several instances that even though the medical devices used are getting better and advanced still there is a big space of building and using technology for hospital operations, patients management, data management and diagnostic efficiency etc. to name a few.

After several thoughts I realized that the two biggest open issues in healthcare are still- accessibility and affordability. Is healthcare easily accessible to all? Is it affordable for all? The truth is- it's still not! We are far from closer and there has to be far more technological developments in healthcare space that will solve those two big problems. Next up, it turned out that I met founders of Klara. I was really impressed with the products. I realized Klara was the answer to both those questions- accessibility and affordability. Using the Klara app you can connect to a world class dermatologist and receive consultation at a cost which is almost 10 times cheaper than a visit to a dermatologist in-person. Plus Klara is building top notch products that are making doctors super efficient. The fundamental idea is making the dermatology practice deliver better and efficient results using technology and reducing cost for the patients. From the very moment, I knew that this is the company I would love to be part of and I did it :) I am working at Klara!

PS. For a limited time Klara is covering for your first bill, meaning you can get your first consultation for free. Try Klara app - USA and International (Non-USA)       

What Is Most Important To You?

I realized today that the most important thing in our lives is not the money, the fame or the success, it's the "people" in our life. The pain of losing them, be it due to a death or due to a failed relationship makes us realize and look back at life with an all new perspective. A perspective that we never took when they were with us. Never before I knew that such things could bring even a mildest of positive effect on us, and today I got convinced that such is the case!

My MBA experience has taken me to a new country and I've met few of the most amazing people who are super confident and raring to take over the world with their business acumen. Yet, there is an amazing transformation that all of us are going through our experiences in such a diverse environment (We are 20 nationalities or so). You think you learn about business at the B-School?......Wrong, it's all about the "People"!!

If I have to sum up my last few days, I've witnessed the joy and zeal of learning from the children of the under served society of India, I've experienced the immense courage of those pure souls who believe in the sharing of not just their joys but also their sorrows and yet, with a smile on their face, they say- "thank you", I've realized why it is important to say what you feel about your loved ones, and for the first time in my life, I gathered the courage to thank my parents, which I always thought was the simplest thing ever, but could never do so. Yes, I never said this to them and it took me 29 years of my life to realize that I've to thank them for what I'm today is just because of them.

As I called my parents, my father picked the phone and strangely enough it was just so difficult to say directly to him that- Papa, I want to thank you. I first started with a usual talk, then while I was gathering the courage to say "Thank You" to him, my heart just poured with so much emotions, and finally, when I said- Papa, I want to thank you because I'm what I'm today, just because of you...that moment changed my entire life....I could feel his joy even before he uttered a word....and when I said- You both have gifted me my life, he said to me- why don't you say this to your mother by yourself. Of course, I wanted to say this even more to my mother...but wait.

My mother has always been a woman of less words, it's always her eyes that told you more than what she would say. She would find it extremely hard to express her deepest emotions in words, but she will do all the things, silently in her own lovingly way...which I never really understood, but the only thing I know is that I always found her on her family's side. When she found me sad, I found her cheering me up, when she found me in frustration, she calmed me down, when she found me in my struggles, she would secretly be praying and talking to God...for so many years I wished that my mother would express herself directly to me, but it never really happened...and now I understand her completely. Now here I'm gathering myself to say a simple thank you and don't know how to express myself..

She comes on the phone, I talk about usual things again and then I say to her- Mummy, I want to thank you because I'm what I'm today, just because of you....then my mom is my mom, she could not say anything, but "acha" and "theek hai" and just after a silence of split seconds she quickly hands over the phone back to my dad. I could already feel her tears, she couldn't stop them so she just moved away from the phone...

My dad was back on the phone, this time he could not resist his happiness and joy, but what did he say to me? Not about what he is feeling, but cheering me up and saying- I'm always there for you, just let me know if you need anything. I know you are doing the right things, but keep patience....I was again so moved. Parents' joy also comes out in the form of their unconditional support for their children...they could not stop themselves from helping you out..... 

I think, it's most difficult to say the obvious, but it's quite clear what is important to me. Have you felt the same? Have you said a "thank you" to your parents? I want to do it again, more often this time...They deserve it..

PS. It wasn't easy for me to be just write what I felt, but I think I wanted to share this with you...


    

   

 

Judgemental?

It takes a moment that turns your whole world upside down. You are stuck, trying your best, but nothing seem to be working fine. It's that moment when walking on the empty road or being alone at the house gives that feeling of closed-in small spaces, claustrophobia! 

Emotions are hard to explain, because they are driven by judgements. Unfortunately, it's hard to tell if our judgements are right or wrong, but time will tell, for sure! In the end it's all in our mind, what we perceive, we start cocooning our self  under it, thinking that it will protect us...but our decision to cocoon and create a wall between what we perceive brings a shift in us, and this is when we start becoming self centered, do we?

I'm not a psychologist or a doctor, yet as a human being, I've experienced all sorts of emotional turbulence and sometime to steady yourself amidst the zillions of feelings can be really difficult. And at the same time, you will see others, turning into an unmovable rock who turn the direction of the wind head-on..nice, isn't it? But Is it really nice, when the wind you turned over is hitting someone else now? I don't have an answer, this is where our judgement comes into play, but I'm sure no one in the world will have an answer to it, after all we homo sapiens are one hell of suckers! If only there were a simple formula to crack the DNA codes to perfection!
  
Are you the victim of someone else's judgement? Well, I guess we all are...but the only difference is the extent of impact that we suffer. Sometimes minor, sometimes massive...or sometimes fatal!